becoming at Home

Yes, that’s me.

I am the kind of person who stays away from social media.

That doesn’t mean I abstain from it completely. I do have Facebook and Instagram, but I limit the amount of time I spend on them. And by “limit,” I mean I allow myself to death-scroll for maybe 2–3 days every couple of months—or whenever my favorite K-pop group, BigBang (G-Dragon, Taeyang, and Daesung), is having a comeback (SHAMLESS PLUG– check out their song “Biiig”! Released on Aug 19th, their 20th anniversary!).

And since this is a blog that revolves around motherhood, yes, I am also the kind of parent who doesn’t post my child’s face on social media.

Why?

I’m not really against social media. There are plenty of good things about it! But the main reason I stay away is simple: I don’t like who I become or the mental space I enter when I spend too much time on it. And honestly, it’s not even about everyone else and what they’re posting.

It’s about me.

I’ve learned that I don’t handle the negative thoughts that resurface when I expose myself to social media very well. I become critical. Jealous. Comparative. Discontent. And I don’t like being in that headspace.

So rather than constantly trying to “defeat” those feelings, I’ve decided to remove myself from one of the things that tends to ignite them in the first place. There was also a point in my life when what I was posting online looked way better than my actual reality.

The funny thing? I was miserable. I was so unhappy and discontent with my actual life that I escaped to social media to present my “best” self. I could curate the picture, post the highlight, receive the likes, and get that little dopamine hit. But eventually, I realized what I was doing. And I didn’t want to keep doing it.

So I made a personal oath to myself: I want to live my reality so well that it matters more to me than what I show online.

I want my real life to be waaaaaaaaaay better than my social media life.

Because, if we’re being honest, wanting to look impressive—or wanting people to see us a certain way—can be a form of people-pleasing. It’s that little part of us that wants to be validated. Seen. Approved of. And I don’t want to spend my life performing for an audience that isn’t even in the room.

Then there’s the other big reason I stay away: Social media glues me to my phone like white on rice.

And I hate that.

When I think about all the moments I’ve chosen to death-scroll instead of paying attention to what was happening right in front of me, it honestly makes me sick.

Because what was I missing?

My husband. My child. My actual life. And that’s when I started thinking about social media through the lens of addiction.

If I know that something has the potential to consume my attention, alter my mood, feed unhealthy thought patterns, and keep me coming back for more—even when I don’t actually want to be there—then why wouldn’t I create some distance from it? Why wouldn’t I cut off the things that make it easier for me to fall back into that trap?

For me, staying away from social media isn’t about being better than anyone else. It isn’t about thinking social media is inherently evil.

It’s about knowing myself. I know what happens to me when I spend too much time there. And I’d rather protect my peace, protect my attention, and—most importantly—be present for the life I’m actually living.

Because I don’t want to spend so much time documenting, curating, comparing, and consuming someone else’s reality that I forget to live my own.